Ripples

Allen Dale opened his locker to check his cell phone before class. They weren’t allowed to carry them in class because people would spend the class texting instead of playing attention, and he really had no desire to upset his teachers. No text could be so important to break the rules, and he could daydream without a distracting phone anyway. But he was known to toss a few texts in between classes.

He opened his phone to find a message from Will Stutely:

“/puts on skirt to play badminton”

Allen smiled. Will hated girly sports. Allen always assumed it was because it didn’t allow for him to vent his excess aggression. You couldn’t hit a birdie too hard or it’d go out of bounds. Allen replied,

“/lusts”

He hesitated before pressing send, but he ultimately pressed it. Allen and Will flirted quite often, mainly over text messaging. While Allen generally enjoyed the extra attention, it also made him uncomfortable. He wondered all through class about Will’s reply, if Will would even reply at all. Was it too forward a remark? Did other guys make jokes like this?

Did other guys think about their friends like this?

Class couldn’t suppress his growing anxiety. What would Will reply? Would Will reply? Did he cross some thin line that Will didn’t like? After class he rushed back to his locker, slamming the door open to find his cell phone. Maybe he could take it back, maybe he could send another text to make it all a joke.

Or maybe Will would be into it.

But he couldn’t think about that.

It was wrong to think about that.

He didn’t want to see Will in a skirt anyway. He preferred him in his regular clothes, with his t-shirts that were just a hair too tight, emphasizing his muscles, but also the pudge on his stomach. He liked it because it was funny, not because it was attractive. Not that it was attractive.

Allen had a new message, a reply from Will.

“Ahaha!”

Then another.

“Hey, can we hang out after school?”

Allen replied, “Sure, meet you outside?”

He didn’t even have the chance to close the phone. Will sent a reply: “Yeah, see you then!”

Exclamation mark. Allen knew punctuation was important in text messages because hardly anyone used punctuation at all. He always made the effort to use it, though. Maybe that’s why Will made the effort too. Or maybe the exclamation mark meant something.

Allen packed up his things and headed to the exit. He found Will waiting for him, playing with his phone. Allen felt the heat rush to his cheeks. Was Will texting someone else? And was he jealous? He had no reason to be.

“Hey,” Allen said, feeling his voice crack.

Will smirked. “Hey, ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Allen said, and they began walking together. “How was badminton?”

Allen watched Will’s golden eyes as he actively described what a waste of time badminton was. Allen nodded in response, not really listening, counting Will’s freckles instead. Will’s ears pressed back against his head as he complained about his team mate bitching him out for hitting the birdie too hard. Allen tried not to laugh.

“How did you find the skirt?” Allen asked.

Will nodded, replying, “I appreciated the breeze between my legs. It gets really sweaty in that area, you know?”

Allen laughed. He felt Will’s tail brush against his legs as it wagged. He noticed Will watching him, and cut off his laugh to look away, sheepishly. Allen felt his cheeks burning, but he didn’t want it to be noticeable. Sure, he had been staring at Will the same way, but it only emphasized to Allen that he had been checking Will out. He couldn’t decide how to handle the situation.

Because he couldn’t be gay. For one, he liked breasts. They were lovely and they were probably soft and would fit into his hands quite nicely. And Will didn’t have breasts. But he had that smile and those freckles and that body.

But he couldn’t think about those things.

Because he couldn’t let his dad down. His dad had enough frustration in his life without Allen actually being what his dad teased him about. Sure, Allen was a bit fancier than most boys. He kept his blonde hair long. He liked to keep his nails clean, his room neat, but cleanliness didn’t automatically translate to homosexuality. Did it?

Usually his dad was just teasing, but sometimes when he was mad, he’d call Allen a faggot with such loathing, Allen wasn’t sure what to do with himself. It just proved his dad wouldn’t be open about it. If Allen was gay, well, he’d just be one more person his dad lost along the way.

But none of that mattered because Allen definitely liked breasts. Womanly breasts, not a muscular chest like Will’s, not a muscular chest that threatened to bulge out of his shirt. Where the hell did Will get shirts like that? Did he always buy a size smaller than he needed?

“Are you all right?”

Will’s golden eyes were on Allen again. “I’m fine,” Allen said, sharply.

It was Will’s fault he wasn’t fine.

“Do you want to talk a walk through the park?” Will asked, not hiding the concern on his face. “Or did you want to head straight home?”

“Let’s go through the park,” Allen said, pointing in that direction. He put a weak smile on his face, “I know how badly you want to piss on a tree.”

Will laughed. “I’ve been holding it in all day, actually,” he said.

They walked in silence while Allen angsted through his feelings. He didn’t want to disappoint his father. When he was younger, he always saw himself as growing into his father’s features, a reflection that he would eventually become, but it didn’t feel like that anymore.

It was almost as if Allen was his father’s reflection in a lake, but after he called him a fag that first time in anger, or maybe it was when his mom died, it was like his father tossed a stone in that lake. And their similarities were dissolving like the ripples. Even though they’d eventually look the same, there’d still be those fundamental differences, those ripples that had once changed his shape.

“Something’s bothering you and it’s really pissing me off that you’re not telling me,” Will said, his arms folded across his chest. “I didn’t want to hang out with you just to watch you mope.”

“Well then why did you want to hang out with me?”

“I don’t know,” Will said. “We’re friends, right? Friends hang out and talk and piss on trees.”

“Right,” Allen replied.

“This is where you tell me what’s bothering you, and then I tell you it’s going to be okay, and then we press our bodies together into a hug.”

Allen laughed. “See, this is what’s bothering me,” he said, trying to sound serious. “You make me want to be more than friends with you.”

“Really?” Will asked.

Allen tried to read Will’s expression. He didn’t look disgusted, curious maybe. But Will’s face generally looked inquisitive. He ended up looking at the hair on Will’s arms while he nodded. Allen saw Will’s arm move as Will placed his hand on Allen’s shoulder.

“I’m really rather fond of you,” Will said, “in that way.”

“It doesn’t make you sick?” Allen asked. “It doesn’t gross you out?”

Allen felt Will’s arms go around his waist, his hands resting on his back. Allen felt Will’s head tuck beside his, nuzzling his neck. He felt his weight and chest against his own.

“Not at all,” Will replied. “It’s the complete opposite.”

Breathing in Will’s hair, Allen wrapped his arms around him. “I’m worried about my father,” Allen said. “He can’t lose someone else.”

“He’s not losing you,” Will said.

“He’ll try to once he finds out.”

“Then we won’t tell him,” Will replied. “I don’t need anything public.”

Allen pulled away, but he felt Will’s hand stay on his back. “You really want to try this?”

“Yeah,” Will said. “Of course.”

Allen pressed his hands on Will’s chest, gripping the shirt to pull him closer. Smiling, Allen said, “Really?”

And when Will returned his smile, Allen felt like his father’s opinion really didn’t matter, especially if he didn’t get the chance to voice it. Allen felt Will’s nose brush up against his. Allen realized he was living up to all his father’s expectations, the good ones and the bad ones. Maybe his father called him queer enough that he eventually became it, or half-it anyway. He definitely still liked breasts.

Will’s lips brushed against his. “What are you thinking about?”

“Breasts,” Allen replied, pulling away to laugh.

Chuckling, Will pulled Allen back against him. “You know, I think this, I think we’re going to work really well together.”

And Allen felt the heat in his cheeks as Will pressed his lips against his.








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