Goddamn Masks

“God damn it!”

Veronica stood two inches away from the television screen, her body slightly hunched over for her nose to be aligned with the exact centre of the screen. A healthy dose of spittle landed on the screen. Both hands tightly gripped her orange N64 controller as she glared at the screen.

“I can’t believe I forgot to play the fucking ocarina to slow down time and I spent all this fucking time just getting there and now I have to go back in time and who the fuck thought ‘Oh I have a great idea, let’s let Link do the same shit over and over again for hours at a time.’”

She paused, biting her lip, as she stared at the screen again. The small link missed the jump which would eventually lead to her entrance. The moon glared down at Link with its happy smile. “And fuck you too moon,” she snarled, a few strands of red hair fleeing her bun. “Now I’m not going to have time to get back to the fucking band and deposit my fucking rupees so I’m going to have to spend another 72 Link-hours just hoarding rupees.”

Veronica quickly played the ocarina to send Link back in time. As the animation played, she flopped down on a couch, continuing, “Or I can do one of those fucking waste-of-time mask quests because God forbid I play a game where I don’t have do every single fucking quest.”

She remembered to play the song which slows things down, and the animation repeated. “Because I haven’t seen that goddamn clip a million times,” she stated.

She decided on doing the quest that took 72 hours, where you had to talk to the married couple at the exact moments to make it work properly. “I’ll do all this fucking work and then I’ll go back in time and they’ll never be happy again, ever. Because they can’t be happy together if I’m not fucking there but they take up too much time to constantly make sure they’re happy so what’s the fucking point is what I want to know aside from the stupid god damn mask I need to complete the useless connection.”

And then, while collecting rupees through hitting Poes on Epona, “Fucking forgot to finish the god damn mask quest.”

Veronica threw her controller on the couch, the edge of it bouncing off the couch. “Fucking forget it,” she said. “The god damn, creepy-ass moon can crash into Link’s Earth for all I care.”

She sighed, Link sitting down on the ground from inactivity. She said, wringing her hands in frustration, “But I don’t want to play anything online because I fucking hate socializing. I’m playing goddamn videogames so I don’t have to waste my time talking to people. Whose big fucking idea was it to combine them, anyway?”

Veronica picked up the controller to get Link running again. “Fucking morons,” she muttered.








------
This commission is for the bitchdoctor of Gaia Online.
This amazing character Veronica belongs to her/broslaughterr <3